It's the 2015 WHITE ELEPHANT BLOGATHON, people!

By now, you all know the drill: film bloggers the world over have submitted their favorite (or, if they're particularly sinister, least favorite) film oddities to me. Those films have gone into a hat and been randomly assigned back to the members of the the film blogletariat.

There were a lot more "hey, you should check out this weird, overlooked idiosyncratic work" submissions this year (as opposed to the usual, "ha ha ha! watch this garbage, dumdum!" selections). So I'm looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds.

Links to all of the submissions will appear here throughout the day, in order of when they post, with some stragglers rolling in later this week. Enjoy (and thanks again to all who participated):

- Bill Ryan introduces the concept of "The Cinema of Cars Pulling Up in Front of Houses" in his review of Griffin Dunne's FIERCE PEOPLE

- Glenn Kenny tackles another work by White Elephant's favorite auteur, Ken Russell; this time the focus is on the "alcoholic bender"-inspired aesthetics of Russell's LISZTOMANIA

- Michael May discusses Joel Hopkins' JUMP TOMORROW, a film featuring everyone's favorite TV On The Radio personality, Tunde Adebimpe

- David Blakeslee jumps on the Enterprise and revisits Robert Wise's STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE

- Kirk Michael arises to have a look at Jim Jarmusch's DEAD MAN

- Roderick Heath has a go at Bertrand Blier's HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?

- Stacia Jones goes out of her tree with CLIFFORD

- Dennis Cozzalio gets behind Charles Burnett's GLASS SHIELD

- Don Marks would rather hang than watch HIGH STRUNG again

- Patrick Miller opens up John Cromwell's CAGED

- Andrew Bemis ambles his way through Robert Downey Sr.'s TWO TONS OF TURQUOISE TO TAOS TONIGHT

- Craig Lindsey AKA Uncle Crizzle AKA Tavis Not-So-Smiley AKA Etc. confronts the 3RD WORLD COPS

- Craig Phillips fiddles while PARIS IS BURNING

- Christianne Benedict takes a VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA

- Even though his entry was late, Josh Ralske is NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET in all of our hearts

- Josh Bell writes A REPORT ON THE PARTY AND THE GUESTS

- Paul Clark lives JOHNNY DANGEROUSLY

"How do you explain midgets? Or sock monkeys?"

Many years ago, I made the mistake of telling a David Lynch acolyte that I'd seen TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME and hadn't cared much for it at all. He asked if I'd ever seen any of the TWIN PEAKS series and I had to admit that I hadn't. "Well that's just STUPID," he remarked and, I gotta admit, he was right. FIRE WALK WITH ME presumes your familiarity with TWIN PEAKS and delivers a whole lot more to a fan of the series. Eventually, I put the situation to rights, watching the complete run of the series and following it with FIRE WALK WITH ME. I'm still not a huge fan of the last section of FIRE (as fantastic as Sheryl Lee's performance is, the demystification of Laura Palmer is a bit unnecessary) but I can definitely appreciate it more having enjoyed the two-season run of the TV series.

The main point of this ambling prologue? For this year's White Elephant Blogathon, I was assigned S. DARKO, the 2007 straight-to-DVD sequel to Richard Kelly's 2001 cult favorite, DONNIE DARKO. I've never seen the latter, nor do I ever intend do. Even before destroying my life by watching S. DARKO, I had no intention of seeing DONNIE DARKO. It feels like a thing that has come and gone and I had to be there to really appreciate it. (It didn't help that, at the time of it's release, most of the DONNIE DARKO proselytizers I knew usually tended to be people I actively disliked.) For me to watch DONNIE DARKO now seems like plunging head first into the Harry Potter books/movies or trying to get into Pogs or Pokemon or something. What's the use? The cultural relevance of these things diminishes daily.

DisPASSION

[Backstory: I opted to be a part of the White Elephant Blog and some monster assigned a Ken Russell film to me. I got what I deserved since I gave some poor sap ROLLER GATOR. All of the participants and their assignments can be found over at Paul Clark’s site.]

When the above title card appeared – less than a minute in to Ken Russell’s 1984 CRIMES OF PASSION – I confess I chortled like a tubby eighth grader. Over the next hundred minutes or so, my puerile tittering would receive its due punishment.

PASSION is essentially one protracted giggle at dicks, bush, and everything in between. Tellingly, the film opens with a character telling a joke that was probably pulled from one of those “UNCLE DIRTY’S BEST XXX-RATED HUMOR” tomes you see for sale at seedy rest stops.

The filmmakers promise a scandalous exploration of forbidden sexuality and delivered a silly meander through Zalman King territory. While they’re at it, they throw in a ham-fisted expose of (perceived) suburban ennui.

After the credits, we open on a group therapy session. The group’s purpose is unclear. They apparently gather to swap dirty jokes and jab at each other for being too lecherous, not getting laid enough, getting laid too much… not sure. The camera pans over from respectable actor Bruce Davison – who will have less than ten lines in the whole film, despite being among the top-billed – to John Laughlin, an actor who gets one of those coveted “and introducing… “ credits: