tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322943607822029478.post3724443496874992300..comments2023-07-05T08:19:43.588-07:00Comments on Diary of a Country Pickpocket: Hyponatremiaptatlerivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07570950256657235397noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322943607822029478.post-63826530440616575682014-10-14T08:14:58.296-07:002014-10-14T08:14:58.296-07:00Dear Philip,
The feedback from the judges on your ...Dear Philip,<br />The feedback from the judges on your Challenge #1 story from the Flash Fiction Challenge 2014 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful and you were inspired by the challenge!<br /> <br />''Hyponatremia'' by Philip Tatler - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ...There is no happily-ever-after closing to this story, which suits the dark undertone of the piece. This man is not a perfect person or father, but he is likeable in his honesty. There is a lot to be said with him seeing his daughter and not connecting. Instead, the writer restrains him or herself. ..................Interesting story, and I like the way the detail of Hyponatremia works into this -- there's a complexity there that makes the story more than merely estranged-father-meeting-daughter and the typical drama that this entails. I also like that the ending is subtle, without a large sappy reunion moment. .....................This story was well-written with good insight into the protagonist. The ending was gratifying because the daughter was spared the meeting.................................. WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ...Including a few memories or small details throughout the story would highlight this man's journey and his relationship. More background will explain more about this man's logic and reasoning. ..................I think there is too much to this story that is implausible -- the idea that he expects to meet her here at the finish of the race in the first place is hard to grapple with. And the box of chocolates, too. Still, I recognize that all Sean's anxieties are present in the story -- and that those are what drives this forward, not Lorelei's race. So that is well balanced, and I think you did a good job there. .....................The protagonist was unlikeable and showed no remorse for his mistakes and crimes- only self-pity. If he had been portrayed as genuinely sorry, the ending may have been more meaningful....ptatlerivhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07570950256657235397noreply@blogger.com